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what should I be doing around the house for my paralyzed mother

by Hayley ann Klein
(n60150 Julianna Rd lot 401 WI, 54615)

Question: I'm 13 years old and my mom Debbie had 2 strokes when I was 8 months old. I have been doing everything a mother should be doing ever since I can remember. I do the dishes, laundry, cook,clean, dress her, bath her. But I got a text from my mom's friend saying that I do to much for my mom and that she needs to go to a nursing home, and that I could live with them. But I don't want to live with them, and I don't think she should be the one deciding if my mom needs to go into a nursing home at the age 45. So basically my question is,"Am I doing to much for my mom? And should she be in a nursing home now?"

Answer: If you personally feel comfortable don't mind helping your mom, and are able to help your mom, then there is no reason why she should go to a nursing home. If on the other hand, you are overwhelmed, then I would talk to other older family members and see if you can get some help from others or outside resources. You may not have the same lifestyle as other 13 year olds, but that is okay. It just means you will most likely be more mature and able to deal with what life throws your way. Many teenagers back in the 19th century did these activities and more, so there's no doubt you are capable.

I personally think it is noble and loving what you are doing for your mother. Many people don't exhibit that kind of compassion. If you are comfortable with what you are doing, then don't worry about what others think and just keep doing what you're doing. If on the other hand, you are overwhelmed then you need to discuss it with your mom or other close relative.

As with any caregiver, you want to make sure you still have time and fun for yourself so that is where it's important to have other friends and family help. If your mom is able to discuss these issues with you, I would talk to her about it if you are feeling overwhelmed.

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